My post on turning 50 was well received so I thought today I would share some thoughts on being married. Of course, I should have posted this on Wednesday as it was our anniversary. Oh well, here we go. What have I learned over the years of my marriage, from either experience or watching others? (Please note that I am not addressing those who are in an abusive marriage)
Les and I were 19 when we got married and have been married for 31 years. I love him and will continue to love him until death do us part. Loving someone is a choice. When things get tough, you both choose to stay in the relationship and make it better.
Don’t marry someone thinking that you will change them after the wedding. You will be disappointed.
Lust is not love and should not be what determines who you marry. Though lusting for your spouse is awesome 🙂
Take the time to learn about the basic 4 types of personalities – sanguine, choleric, melancholy and phlegmatic. Figure out where you and your spouse fit. It will explain A LOT and help to prevent needless hurt.
You don’t need to do everything together. I have some hobbies that I usually do alone. He goes for bike rides without me sometimes. The need for solitude is important to both of us as individuals. That’s ok.
Find something that you both like to do. And hold hands. Talk and laugh. Realize that the amount of time you have to spend together will ebb and flow over the years but don’t ever let it disappear all together.
If you are angry don’t spew out whatever comes to your mind. Those words can never be taken back even if you didn’t mean them and apologize. Take the time to think it through. And don’t bring up every historical event in your marriage every time you disagree.
Women need to be cherished and men need to be respected. Les gives the best hugs and I always feel safe and loved with his arms around me. I do my best to always let him know what an amazing man I think he is whether we are alone or with other people.
Don’t trash talk about your spouse to other people. It lowers everyone’s expectations of what marriage should be about. This is different than sincerely seeking help when you need it.
Please, please, please treat each other respectfully in front of your children. They don’t need their world rocked by hateful behavior. Kids see everything.
For us, God is the head of our marriage. He is like a filter that we see life through and it keeps us on the road together.
Truthfully, my relationship with Les has brought out the best in me. He has encouraged me to broaden my safe, narrow horizons. I know, without a doubt, that he would do anything for me and our family.
Neither of us is perfect but he is perfect for me.
- On Turning 50
- Sundre’s Treasures #2