Who I Am at 51

Yesterday, I turned 51. Yup, I am working on my second half century. And I have been thinking about the person that I am now after 51 years of experiences and observations. The following is a little bit of that.

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I am what many people would call a “conservative” Christian. I have been a believer in Jesus Christ for most of my life. As the song says “He makes this world make sense to me”. Because of my beliefs I am becoming more and more a stranger in a strange land as our culture changes.

I am a devoted daughter, wife, mother and grandmother. I’m not perfect at any of them but I am committed wholeheartedly.

I am creative. When I am immersed in a project, I am in a happy place.

I am a loner. I need my space at least once in a while. Sometimes I think it makes me less of a friend than I should be.

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I am becoming more political than I have been in many years. I think the current trend towards socialism is going to blow up in our faces. The ultra rich will not be affected and we are crazy if we think they won’t protect themselves. The people that will be hurt the most are the working middle class in the private sector. They are going to bear the financial burden that will be coming. I talk to and read about small business owners and they are scared.

I have been burned enough times in both my work and personal life that, currently, I am having a hard time moving outside of my comfort zone to reach out. I know that sounds really selfish but if I am honest, I feel like I am shutting down sometimes. The enthusiasm I had to volunteer is waning. God is talking to me about this though.

I love to travel. Safely. And usually just with Les. It becomes so much more difficult with a large group. There is a part of me that would really like to go skydiving but I haven’t worked up the nerve yet.

I love beauty! Some folks are drawn to the dark side of things but I am not one of them. Beauty surrounds us in so many ways and it helps fill me up.

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Light is also becoming more important to me. I’m not a fan of the “moody” look, hence, painting everything in my favorite milk jug white. 🙂

I love vintage and worn over new and pristine. When you buy something that is dinged up already you don’t worry too much about a few more.

I have allergies and asthma and I hurt more than I used to. And menopause is no laughing matter! I need more downtime but often don’t listen to that part of myself.

I am a fairly logical person and I am learning to look at the bigger picture. What might seem like a great idea for one person may be devastating to the rest of the group.

I have learned that perfectionism is often unreachable but that same truth is often used as an excuse.

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I have learned that we do not live in the experiences of others and they don’t live in ours. We get angry when someone says or does something that exposes something raw in us but they have not lived our life and are often unaware of the wounds. We cannot expect them to have the same perspective and they cannot expect it of us.

Obviously, I am still a work in progress. But I know that I am loved by the Most High God and He will continue to coax and prod to change those things in my heart that need changing. And let me tell you, there is great comfort in that knowledge.

 

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